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| On a dock in Lake Como. Pro-tip: learn to use the self-timer on your camera |
I've been flying solo since I was young, but until I started college I always had someone waiting at the gate for me, and even after striking it out on my own I usually have a friend or family member I'll see within an hour of de-boarding. It wasn't until I lived in Italy (and then not until my second semester) that I started taking truly solo trips. When I planned my first lone wolf trip, I was surprised by people's reactions. A lot of my roommates warned against traveling alone as a female, my parents were cautious despite my eight months in a foreign country, and many of my friends offered to go with me as though I was only going alone because I couldn't find a companion.
To be fair, I jumped into the deep-end for my first trip to Verona, Italy on February 14th. If you're behind on your Shakespeare/holidays, that's the city of Romeo and Juliet on Valentine's Day. It was quite an experience. Although I don't recommend planning a trip solely for the irony of the thing, I'm so glad I went. It started off my little love affair with going it solo, one that I don't think will end anytime soon, and prompted this little list of reasons why you should start! So without further ado... here's my top ten reasons for soloing:
1. You can leave whenever you like
Are you free this weekend? You can go on your trip. Do you need to leave after eleven on Friday because of a meeting but be back before six on Monday for a date? That's fine. Do you want to book all the tickets and hotel rooms while you're wine drunk at 2am on a Tuesday? Go for it, you don't have to check with anyone.
2. You can go anywhere you want
Do you want to go to Lake Como because you have a weird desire to see George Clooney and his new fiancé on the yacht? Maybe you're down for a three day jaunt to Milan because you want to go shopping and eat risotto. You do you.
3. You don't have to worry about entertaining another person
If you're tired after two train rides and a shaky bus and you need an espresso like, an hour ago, you don't have to worry about another person's mood. This may not sound like a huge deal but think about it- if the person you're with is super happy and energetic while you feel like you just got run over by a monster truck and are living in a post-apocalyptic world where coffee doesn't exist, you're probably not going to enjoy their attempts to immediately cheer you up. If you're in a fantastic mood but your travel companion is depressed because the boy they're seeing hasn't texted them back in 2 days, it will put a damper on your trip. Solo-you gets to roll with it, taking a huge nap whenever you like or deciding you'd rather not talk to anyone for an hour (or two).
4. You have time for self-reflection
Train rides should be a prescribed form of meditation. Slipping in your earbuds and staring out the window at gorgeous landscapes rushing past you is so calming and lovely. I have 12-page notes on my iPhone of thoughts I had on a single train ride about life and my relationships and what groceries I should buy that week. I wouldn't be surprised if one day I read about a young entrepreneur who was selling seats and earbuds on a "Meditation Train" where everyone gets to listen to Verdi and look at the Tuscan countryside.
5. You get to pick the food
"I don't care, what do you want to eat?" Ugh. The bane of any group travel endeavor is that soul-sucking conversation that lasts a minimum of 30 minutes as you stumble, famished, over cobblestones and keep ducking into restaurant entryways to peruse the menu, all the while repeating emphatically that you "really don't care where we eat, let's go wherever you want!" Solo travelers will have picked a damn restaurant, ordered their wine, and devoured a whole bread basket before that unfortunate other group settles on a venue.
6. You're on your own schedule
No one will ever know that you spent 2 hours in the Rome H&M and missed seeing the Caravaggio in S. Maria del Popolo before it closed. You got some really cute harem pants and there's nobody around to judge or rush you back to the hotel so they can make a Skype date. If you want to stop at every leather shop in Florence, even though 90% of them have the same exact things and you'll inevitably end up at the first one you went in buying that wallet you originally said was "too brown," you can. You can wake up at 8am with plans to see every single Palladio building in Vicenza and then hit the snooze button until noon and spend the whole afternoon drinking wine in a trattoria. No explaining yourself or accommodating anyone.
7. You meet more people
We all have had that mental image of us sitting elegantly at a cafe table on a bustling piazza, dressed in a gorgeous frock that makes us look like a 40's silent movie star and reading something like Hemingway or Dorothy Parker when a tall dark stranger comes by and strikes up a conversation. You know what I'm talking about. Don't lie, I know you've seen movies. Anyway, when you're traveling solo, this actually does happen. Now in my experience I was wearing leggings for pants, on my third cappuccino, and the tall dark stranger was actually blonde and German and incapable of communicating in either English or Italian BUT I'm saying there's a chance. Now change that scene to two or more of you, chattering away in English and taking pictures of each other with your sunglasses on- the chances of someone summoning the courage to approach you are considerably lower.
And of course that's just one, extremely day-dreamy and superficial, example. Traveling alone as a girl I've actually discovered that people go out of their way to help and accommodate you. I've had old couples walk me to the supermarket, store clerks write down the names of their favorite hidden cafes, and just so many people ready to strike up a conversation. When you're by yourself your attention is up for grabs because you're not focused on only your companion.
8. You go at your own pace and in your own direction
My best discoveries have usually been when I broke off from the group and decided to check out a shop in a side alley, or walked into a jewel-box church right when mass was starting and decided to stay. On a much smaller level, think of yourself in a museum- you probably have your own taste and might want to head to the impressionist or 18th century galleries when your friend is dying to see the Renaissance collection. Even in the same room, if a painting or sculpture catches your eye you can linger on it for as long as you like without worrying that the group might want to move on. Now expand that to a city, a country, and it's easy to see how much that freedom matters.
9. You learn how to be alone without being lonely
This year I had my first solo meal in a nice restaurant. I don't know if that's abnormal, and god knows I've eaten alone many times, but this was the kind of place with china plates and reservations. It was a strange experience for me, mostly worrying that people were judging me (it was Valentine's day) and not knowing where to look. However, I don't think I've ever eaten so slowly and focused so much on savoring and enjoying my food. Now that I think about it, it seems sad that many of the great meals I've had haven't gotten as much attention because of my conversation or distraction.
Sitting in my big queen bed in a hotel room one night, drinking a glass of wine and munching on chocolate as I took Buzzfeed quizzes and watched rom-coms, I was technically alone but pretty much the opposite of lonely. Revel in your aloneness, you should be your own best company!
10. The experience was all yours
As nice as it is to share inside jokes and memories with friends from a trip you all took together, sometimes it can be equally great to have something to yourself. If you take a solo trip, it's completely your own. Every decision was made by you, every moment was planned and enjoyed by you, and every memory is yours.
So the upshot is that I like to go it alone, and I really think you should try it. If you've been doing it for years and are laughing at me like I'm someone who tells you that they just found "this really awesome band called Coldplay!" I'm sorry, I get it! But if you haven't done it, travel solo and see how it feels- just maybe not to Verona on Valentine's Day...
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