Italian Advice

As anyone who has lived with Italians will know, they are quite the opinionated bunch. Here are some of the best little tidbits I've collected (along with some from friends' experiences) over the course of the year. I think the lesson we can all learn is to blow dry your damn hair. Obviously these are all roughly translated from the Italian in order to retain the sentiment.  

"Don’t eat more than two eggs a week, or your cholesterol will skyrocket and you will die.” 
- Michele


“It is disgusting to eat milk with tomato sauce. If you have chocolate milk, and then half an hour later you eat mozzarella balls with marinara, you are a disgusting human being.” - Pasquale

“If you put salt in your hot chocolate, you will start pooping uncontrollably.”
- Ciccio


“What the hell are you doing?! You can’t drink an entire mug of espresso! You’ll die!”
- Pasquale


“American coffee is no better than dirty water.”
- Jessica


“Here’s a blowdryer go to the bathroom. We can’t start my tutoring until you dry your hair. If you don’t you will get sick and die.”
- Lavinia (11 years old)


“If you don’t blow dry your hair you will get a neck disease and die."
- Giulia


“Always wear a scarf or you will get a neck disease and die.”
- Sara


“Don’t put the pasta sauce on top of your pasta, you have to mix them in the pot. God, Americans are such idiots!”
- Davis


“You’re eating bread with olive oil and balsamic? Again? Hmm…"
- Davis


“It’s too hot to cook, so I made this rice salad with hotdogs, olives, and canned corn in it to tide me over for the next few days.”
- Ciccio


“Don’t say the word ‘mafia’ in Napoli. Actually, just don’t say it ever.”
- Raffaele

“I’m going to open the window because someone used too many onions and stunk up the whole kitchen. That someone was Moorea.”
- Davis


“You shouldn’t do that with your hair. You look like a man.”
- Beatrice (6 years old)


“If you eat more than one piece of cake you’ll get fat, and we don’t want that now do we?”
- Angelica (8 years old)


“Don’t put your bike there, it will get stolen.”
- Giuseppe


“Don’t put your bike there, it will get stolen.”
- Marco


“Don’t put your bike there, it will get stolen.”
- Old lady on a stoop

“Mmm I love a nice coffee and a cigarette. Hey, how do you say ‘laxative’ in English?”
- Ciccio


“I don’t want to try your latte because I’m afraid it will be gross and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
- Lucia

“If you go to sleep with wet hair your face will get deformed. Do you want to wake up ugly?!”
- Nella


“If you run with headphones in you will get overexcited and have a heart attack and die.”
- Eugenio