Guest Post: "10 Things You *Actually* Learn While Studying Abroad" by Ari Rudess

My study abroad experience would not have been the same without Ari Rudess. The second week in Lecce she asked me to do the photography for a local food article she was writing and we've been inseparable ever since. From hiking through the Alps, to finding hole-in-the-wall Napolitano restaurants, to reading Bridget Jones in bed all day with the windy Amalfi coast out the window, she's been the best travel companion a girl could ask for. It's a real toss-up whether I'll rally next semester or just sit alone eating plain spaghetti and looking at her picture. She's an incredible writer and here's her take on living abroad.   

The World Wide Web is jam-packed with articles about “The Things You Learn Studying Abroad.” When reading these pieces, one develops the perception that studying abroad is some sort of all-encompassing miracle, from which you return a completely transformed being, one who is significantly more worldly, fashionable, and intelligent than the person who got on the plane in September. The truth is that studying abroad is fun, inspiring, and in many cases life-changing. That being said, nine times out of ten, a couple months overseas doesn’t have an earth-shattering impact on your overall existence. For that reason, I have taken it upon myself to create my own list of the things you learn studying abroad. I call it: “The Things You Actually Learn while Studying Abroad.” Here we go:

1.     Words can only get you so far: Here’s a fun fact- regardless of how expansive your vocabulary might be, your ability to communicate in a foreign country will be relatively terrible until you realize that words are only half the battle. We’re so used to the intonation and hand gestures built into our own culture that we forget how key they are to successful conversation. No one really stops you from speaking like a constipated robot in language classes, but truth be told, trying to express yourself in a monotone voice, especially mixed with awful grammar and a bizarre accent, will not get you very far.

2.     How to be a mother: When you’re in college, you feel incredibly grown up. Independence has greeted you like a fresh spring breeze, and now there’s no turning back. Well, at least not until Thanksgiving, when you’ll find yourself back on the couch, watching re-runs of Law and Order as mom makes your favorite dinner and washes the laundry you’ve neglected for a month. You don’t actually realize how much you need a mother until you go abroad. All of the sudden, you find yourself highly dependent on every individual remotely similar to the woman who raised you. You and your friends sub-consciously build something of a mother-to-mother system. She makes you tea when you’re sick, and you sternly forbid her from hooking up with strangers and eating noodles off the floor.

3.    How excellent your parents are: It often takes studying abroad for a person to realize how truly excellent his or her parents are. Up to this point, it seems that their twenty years of hard work and endless sacrifice have gone under your radar. Don’t worry, though! They’ll forgive you. Your awe and appreciation of your parents will only grow if they come and visit you abroad. Like an orphaned baby tiger that is rescued by a mother hog, you will forget any prior notions and bask in all the comfort and nourishment they provide. (In this case, rather than a lactating teat, the comfort and nourishment will come in the form of nice hotels and fancy restaurants.)

4.    Water does everything: I never realized it before my semester in Italy, but water is probably the most versatile substance on earth. Thirsty? Grab some water. Need to clean something? Water’s your man! If your tomato sauce is looking thin, add a little pasta water and the starch will thicken it right up! Water also has miraculous healing qualities. Next time you’re suffering from the common cold or chronic depression, just drink some water. Medicine is so 2013.  

5.    The skill of severely turning off cat-callers: Ladies, (and gentlemen, for the sake of avoiding heteronormativity), your grandmother wasn’t lying when she warned you to be wary of foreign men. Although typically harmless, the catcalling rate in most non-American countries exceeds that of the US by at least 246.3%. When you first encounter this, you’ll inevitably find it flattering. That being said, you will soon realize that what you once assumed to be a testament to your inordinately good looks and unique yet timeless maxi skirt is actually just a completely unnecessary acknowledgement that you are, indeed, of the female gender. You’ll begin to do everything you can to avoid catcalls. This brings me to my next lesson: learning how to avoid cat-callers. In my experience, the best way of doing this is to go the nearest kebab stand, (for those of you who don’t know what a kebab sandwich looks like, consult this image), then while chewing aggressively, stomp down the street, murmuring “don’t fuck with me” in a deep, manly voice.

*Disclaimer: I am in no way suggesting that eating is an unattractive or un-feminine activity. That being said, the fact remains that your allure will probably decrease by at least half when there are pieces of half-eaten meat falling out of your mouth.

6.    How to eat on significantly less money than you ever thought you could: While studying abroad, spending an inordinately small amount of money on food becomes something of a game. The subject of conversation between you and your friends will often be the poverty level at which you are living. (Often these conversations will take place on high-speed trains or in the check out line at H&M). After a few instances of staring with horror at your bank statement, you’ll finally acknowledge that things have come to an ultimatum: you can either feed your body or feed your shopping addiction, and Zara is not nearly as good in America.

WARNING: Try as I might (and I did try), in the latter part of this report, clichés became inevitable. If, therefore, you are severely opposed to clichés, STOP READING NOW!

7.    What your actual priorities are: Although there are some priorities that we maintain throughout our lives, others change as we grow and develop. One of the best ways of re-evaluating your priorities is by studying abroad. Being far away from your comfort zone forces you to re-consider the important things in your life.  Let me explain. Before I went abroad, my top priorities were my family, my friends, my crew team, peanut butter, and the hit TV series How I Met Your Mother. Going to Italy took me away from my family, many of my friends, my team, peanut butter, and for the most part,How I Met Your Mother. I was surprised when I got home and had absolutely no inclination to watch the show or eat peanut butter. That being said, my love of my sport, friends, and family persevered. It was remarkable really. Here I am, thinking that I’ll love peanut butter for the rest of my life, and BAM! 5 months in Italy and I don’t even put it on apples anymore.

8.    Trust people, but do it wisely: “Do not trust anyone but yourself” is a quote you’ll see often when reading about studying abroad. It makes sense. There’s no doubt that terrible things happen to people, and no one wants those things to happen to you. That being said, human beings are social creatures. We want to get close to other people, and part of this involves trust. Rather than wandering around like a hermit for the next five months, simply choose who you trust wisely. Should you trust the guy who sold you an apple with a worm in it? Probably not. Should you trust the girl who ditched you in Rome because she met a hot Italian who claimed to be a celebrity and offered her a ride on his Vespa? Probably not. (Sorry Lizzie Mcguire). Should you trust the person who brought you medicine when you were sick (obviously by medicine I mean water) and sat with you all day even though you hardly knew her and were for all intents and purposes catatonic for a full six hours? Yeah, you can probably trust that person. Not as much as you trust yourself, maybe, but there’s something really rewarding about finding people who you can rely on, not to mention the reward of avoiding terrible situations because you were able to successfully gage who not to trust.

9.    The real meaning of happiness: Ah, happiness. The ultimate goal in pretty much every individual’s life. Reading those cliché-filled articles (this one being an exception) about studying abroad often gives you the perception that your abroad experiences is going to be the one time in your life when you are incredibly and completely happy for every single hour of every single day. This is simply not true. Studying abroad, although temporary, is still life. There are very few moments in life, let alone five to ten month periods, when we feel pure, unadulterated happiness. There will be times abroad when you don’t feel happy. There will also be times when you feel incredibly happy. Going abroad helps you realize that both acute sentiments of joy and “down periods” ultimately contribute to a happier life. One of the best parts about going abroad is coming home with a heightened understanding of yourself and the world around you. Part of this understanding comes from having experienced moments of unhappiness. It’s kind of like that saying “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Certain moments will give you happiness, but it’s a fleeting emotion. Needing to pick yourself up when you’re down teaches you to be happy. Every time you experience unhappiness and are forced to lift yourself back up, you’re teaching yourself how to be happy. Learning how to do this makes you happy, which is probably why going abroad is one of the best times of people’s lives, and those lessons, unlike fleeting moments of happiness, stay with you forever.

10.  Some who wander are lost: A couple of the articles I read online included the quote “all who wander are not lost.” After my time in Italy, I’m not sure if this is true. In our society, there is a negativity associated with being lost, as if it is a hopeless and permanent condition. In modern culture, so much of our personal identity is based on our environments. Studying abroad challenges you to find who you are without these environments. You become disconnected from the strings of your society, and all you can really fall back on is yourself. So of course you get lost. Going abroad teaches you that getting lost, and being lost, is okay. It’s actually healthy.  Getting lost means opening yourself up to the world around you. It means allowing your new experiences to become a part of who you are. Losing yourself challenges you to find yourself, and that is what studying abroad is all about.