15 Unspoken Rules of the Italian Lifestyle

Well I've officially lived in Italy for almost five months, and I feel like I'm now in the position to share some tips for those of you studying abroad here next semester or next year, and even those of you just here on vacation. These are just some very tiny things that no one told me about before I got here, and had I known, would have made things a bit easier.

1. Don't order a cappuccino after noon.

This is probably the most famous unspoken rule, so you may have already heard it. I know we're used to having our Starbucks triple shot grande caramel lattes at 4pm in the States, but Italians are surprisingly particular about digestion and drinking a beverage that is made of mostly whole milk after you've eaten lunch is considered vaguely horrifying.

2. Don't order coffee before or with a meal.

This is the addendum to rule 1, and I have been a victim to the judgmental glares of baristas doing this more than once. By coffee I mean espresso (but don't call it that, say caffè), which Italians drink after meals to aid with digestion. If you try to get an espresso with your panino, the barista will archly ask "primo?" like you're a drooling and incompetent peasant. If you really need the kick, resist the urge to apologize and go sip it in the corner thinking about what you've done.

3. Validate your bus and train tickets.

This doesn't apply to the expensive Frecciarossa online tickets, but if you buy a regional train or a bus ticket you NEED to validate it before boarding. They have handy white and green Trenitalia machines near all the platforms and on buses there is usually an orange or red machine to stick your ticket in (if you don't buy it right on the bus). If you are caught with an unvalidated ticket, cry and tell them you're American. This is %33 effective (I've tested it myself) and the rest of the time you're going to pay a fine from €10-60 euro, depending on how bad a day the official is having.

4. Sign up for a a train loyalty card.

This is the one I'm most recently outraged about. I just discovered this program last week and have spent all of my time since cursing myself for not getting one sooner. The Cartafreccia card from Trenitalia is a free loyalty program which you can use to earn points on your train travel. Earning a certain number of points will get you upgrades and free tickets. After spending three trillion euro on trains this semester I feel like this.

5. Pay for your gelato before ordering.

Go directly to the cash register when you get to the gelateria and pay for your piccola or media coppa or cono and THEN go to the nice lady to order your flavors. Also tasting is not really a thing here. If you're in a panic I recommend always going with crema or mascarpone, which are their creamy vanilla flavors.

6. Don't sit down at cafes unless you're willing to pay more.

If you order a cappuccino at the bar, it will probably cost around €1.50. If you sit down and the waiter comes to take your order, it will be FOUR THOUSAND EURO. And by that I mean around €3.50. But jesus, what kind of markup is that? If you're going to be there for a while or you need a place to rest your legs, the €2.00 is worth it, but otherwise go buy yourself a gelato (and stand up to eat that too).

7. There will be a cover charge at your restaurant.

If you go to a nice, or somewhat nice, ristorante or trattoria, you will be charged a cover for bread and the honor of sitting in a chair. The cover is usually between €1-3 and oh yeah, that doesn't include water. You will have to buy and ration your water. I usually get sparking frizzante because it makes me feel fancy and helps to stop my urge to go drink from the tap in the bathroom.

8. Don't tip.

This is the nice thing about the cover charge- it acts as the customary tip. In general you just pay exactly the amount on the bill, which will include the extra €1-3 per person.

9. Don't eat your bread before the meal and don't ask for olive oil and balsamic to go with said bread.

This is the rule I habitually break at almost every single restaurant I've gone to. This bread cost me a cover of €2, damn right I'm going to make a giant plate of oil and balsamic to rub it in before I shove it into my mouth to avoid passing out from hunger! No, this bread is for dipping in the delicious sauces of your primi and secondi dishes. Feel free to ignore this as much as I do, but get ready for a "look" from your snobby waiter. I remember the worst instance of this shaming was when I was in a cute little family joint and the grandpa came out of the kitchen to see I'd made a lagoon of oil and vinegar on my appetizer plate. He yelled "OH GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" and I cried and said I was American (%33 effective).

10. Don't put parmesan on anything unless it's offered.

If you are meant to have parmesan, it will be brought to you. If you have the nerve to ask, god help you. You just made a poor little Italian grandma, slaving away in the kitchen to make you a lovely meal, cry. She's crying now and it's your fault. You basically just told her that her pasta tastes like sawdust and disappointment- did you even try it before smothering it in cheese? If they do suggest parmesan for your pasta, be as generous as you want. That's a whole different story. If want to put parmesan on your pizza... get out. Just get the hell out of my restaurant.

11. Stores close from 1-4pm every day and Sunday.

When I first went out in Italy, it was 2pm in Lecce on a Thursday or something, and I thought the apocalypse had happened while I was napping. There was no one on the streets and all the stores were closed- the only thing missing was one of those western tumble-weeds. Have no fear, they will all reopen in a few hours. If you plan to do your grocery shopping on Sunday after 1pm (and that's generous in some places) I hope you're prepared to be eating Nutella and crackers for dinner.

12. Try to pay with small bills.

I don't really use a credit or debit card here anyway, because of foreign transaction fees and my inability to figure out currency exchange rates in my head, but in general you should try to pay with cash. Many of the stores here are small, family-run operations and in general card transactions take a strangely long amount of time. Also, meet your new worst enemy: the €50 bill. My weekly struggle is finding a way to get rid of my hated orange fifties while incurring the least amount of hatred from cashiers. Yes, sometimes you will have to use one to pay for a €2.30 capuccino and cornetto. Apologize profusely and hightail it out of there. My advice is to use your fifties at grocery stores to break them up.

13. Don't go out with wet hair.

I've done this before, knowing about this rule, and I have never been more supremely judged in my life. After walking eight city blocks I was looking for a manhole cover to hide under. Wash your hair at night or use a hairdryer, or you will feel like you've sprouted horns. The other day I arrived at my English tutoring job drenched with rain, and my 11-year-old charge dragged me into the bathroom to insist I blow-dry my hair before we started.

14. Cover your shoulders and legs when entering a church.

It is a sign a respect, and many churches won't even allow you in if you're dressed in shorts and a tank top. My friends and I have taken to calling our creative cover-ups (scarf tied around the waist, beach towel over shoulders etc) "chiestal body garb" and we are working on our own line of snuggy-like garments, patent-pending.

15. Don't be an asshole.

This probably doesn't have to be said, but heck: don't be an asshole. Americans don't have the best reputation abroad, and sometimes that's for good reason. The above rules are quirky little things that really don't mean much in the grand scheme of things (except for the train validation, that's real). If you mess up, "sbagliare," on any of these but you do it with grace and politeness, no one will care. Don't speak English loudly or slowly to people if they're not understanding you, don't expect special treatment, and just don't be rude or entitled. This is a beautiful culture with subtle and interesting traditions. Try your best to experience and observe and I promise you, your time here will be all the better for it.